HippyCentral

Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A: Seals
Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
A: Their nose

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. “Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s [...]

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his fortune.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing [...]

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to [...]

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with a lot of pleasure.
—Clarence Darrow

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”
“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”
The first bat replies, [...]