Legal observations
Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A: Seals
Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
A: Their nose
Archive for November 2007
Paternal example
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. “Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?”
—Henny Youngman
Delayed gratification
We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.
“Finally!” I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. “I’ve been waiting twelve years for this!”
“Don’t blame me, lady,” he said. “I just got the order this morning.”
Medium – or just middle-sized?
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, “Rosa? Are you there?”
The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”
“Yes granddaughter, it’s me.”
“It’s really, really you, grandmother?”, the woman repeats.
“Yes, it’s really me, my little Rose.”
The woman looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you, grandmother?”
“Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me.”
The woman pauses a moment, “Grandmother, I have just one question for you.”
“Anything, my dear. Things are so much clearer now I’m in the great beyond.”
“Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?”
Auntagonism
At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office.
“It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”
“You know you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Fisk. “I didn’t realize it. You don’t suppose she’s faking it, do you?”
Doubly true
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
– Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henny Youngman