HippyCentral

“Well, Ted, you’re certainly coming up in the world. What’s the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies!”

“Oh, it was my wife’s idea.”

“Your wife?”

“Yeah,” answers Ted, “She thought I should spend more time with the kids.”

The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy.

“Isn’t it rather complicated for a small boy?” she asked the salesclerk.

“It’s designed to adjust the tot to live in today’s world, madam,” the shop assistant replied. “Any way he tries to put it together is wrong.”

My littlest – Matthew – is 5 today.

Happy birthday Matt.

It’s a fact. Without any formal psychological training, I’ve develped a new psychological theorem. I’ve discovered a syndrome – Parental deafness.

Basically it works like this. Parent is stressed. Parent is hassled. Parent is at end of tether and if doesn’t get some peace soon will go bezerk with a shotgun or a variety of sharp implements.

Child wants something. Child doesn’t care that parent is desperately hiding their head in that book. Child wants. Child repeatedly asks. “Dad”, “Dad”, “Dad“, “Dad“, “DAD” –

Parent looks up and snaps – “What are you shouting at me for? What do you want?”, while deciding which kitchen tools would make the most damage with the least mess on the carpet.

Any parent will relate to that story (although they probably won’t confess to the homicidal bit), as will any child.

I reckon it’s a defence mechanism, put in place by the trauma of giving/watching birth.

I’m going to write a paper on it, and become a world famous expert in psychology.

(Rather than being famous in the world of psychology experts, as I am now).

Matt’s done his homework. He had a strip of paper which was cut from a sheet of A4 (29.7cm long). He measured 4 items, and had to say if they were larger or smaller than the paper. Here are the results:

• The trailer from his toy truck: smaller
• Matt’s Thomas the Tank Engine torch: smaller
• Daddy’s bike: bigger
• The fishtank: bigger

More on the exciting world of reception class homework will follow. Maybe.

Although he's too shy to post the comment, I've already been asked by someone what Matt had to do with the results he found. He had to draw the objects in his homework book, labelled. And no, they weren't to scale - he's only 4 for god's sake!

Matt (the youngest of the Hippy’s brood) had his first day at “big school” today. He’s 4.

He only went in for the morning (9 am until 11:45), but it wore the little tyke out. He’s been yawning all afternoon.

He’s obviously settled in well. When asked what he did today he replied “I don’t know” and ran off to play. He’s already got that response down pat. Now all he needs to do is to learn how to open the fridge, and drink directly from the carton and his social development is complete for the next 11 years.